why i’m convinced my 3 year old doesn’t believe in the easter bunny

okay, she probably does believe in the easter bunny… but i feel like some day when the truth comes out, she will take it in stride.  why?  last winter she invented a game of santa claus before christmas.  i would pretend to sleep and she would put items in my stocking and bring me gifts.  this was all completely of her own creation and unprompted.  it freaked me out because NO.  this game was far too logical!

this morning after her annual easter egg hunt for the eggs left by the bunny man himself, she decided to re-package all of her shiny plastic eggs with their treats inside.  i was then told to “go sleep for 10 hours” (i wish…), and she proceeded to hide all of the eggs for me to wake up and find.

giggling with delight she watched me curiously poke around looking for all of her strategically hidden eggs.  it was the best. and i realized how big she is getting and how quickly time passes although she is only just 3.

and now we move on to summer, just like that!  bring on the hot weather (or not!  i miss winter dearly already)!

Dress: Sadiethenty Shoes, Ears, Necklace: Target Purse: Gift



weekend review: hello spring.

this weekend we welcomed spring! saturday was a catch up day for me to get B’s easter basket together and catch up on laundry.

sunday, however, is always our family day. B takes soccer in the morning, which she loves and WE love it because it exhausts her enough to nap later in the day.

B loves flowers, so taking her to the garden at the local hardware store after soccer is a fun treat for her! we also scooped up some goodies because we are planning to start a little garden in our backyard soon.

one of our favorite things to do is have pool float fights. i somehow always end up on the losing side when N and B gang up on me!

B’s first time at Firehouse Subs was a success. Yum!

we planted some lavender and wildflower seeds. we’ve actually had the wildflower seeds for quite a while and received the packet for free via the Cheerios bring back the bees campaign. you can grab a pack here for yourself too! i don’t have green thumb, but luckily N does!

no photos, but we made turkey meatballs using fresh herbs from B’s aerogarden! 🙂

and that wraps up another weekend. what did you do on your quick two day break? i’m absolutely anticipating my upcoming 3-day weekend and hosting easter at our house.

interview with a 3 year old.

Last year, two months before B turned 2, I filmed a birthday interview because it was just such a cute age!  This year, I sat her down in May to revisit some old questions and new!  I have a feeling this will become a birthday tradition for as long as she will tolerate it.

B’s birth story (three years later).

i’ve recounted B’s birth many times to a handful of friends and fellow mother’s.  but, it has always been doled out in chunks.  never from beginning to the whole end.

the reason is because as many births can be- it was overwhelming and emotional.  because i know people judge hard (and have), unless they’ve experienced the same thing themselves.

so as B approaches the big 3, i thought i would sit and write out the details… before i forget them all.

3 weeks before B was born.

on june 12, 2014, i was at work like any other thursday.  36 weeks pregnant and as i sat at my desk, i noticed that B was not moving as she usually did every morning.  i told one of my co-workers and she suggested i try some juice, so we went to the cafeteria where i downed a cup of juice, waited and still- nothing.  i decided to call the maternity ward to see what the nurses might suggest.  it had been far too long at this point, and i was worried.  they told me to come in for monitoring.

i drove myself to the hospital thinking i would be back to work shortly after.  i tried calling N, but i knew he was in a job interview and would be unreachable for a few hours.  i called my father in law to let him know where i was headed.  my sister in law was also pregnant at the time and scheduled for an induction that upcoming weekend.

a few of my mom friends in my birth club had joked the day before saying that friday the 13th and the full honey moon were coming up.  who would take one for the team and give birth on that day?

at the hospital, i was taken back right away and hooked up to the monitors.  this was at 11:30am.  the nurse asked me if i knew that i was having a contractions once a minute, and asked “don’t you feel them?”

“yes”, i responded, “i’ve been feeling them for about two weeks now… isn’t that normal?”  ah- first time motherhood and all of its naivety.  i drank more juice.  i waited.  some tests.  an ultrasound to check fluid levels.  then finally she kicked!  three hours of being hooked up, N finally arrived at the hospital and they said they were gathering my discharge papers and to hang tight.

i distinctly remember N asking me if i wanted one of the cookies he was eating.  i told him, no- we could just go get something to eat once we left there because i wanted “real” food.  that was one of the big mistakes i made that day.  not five minutes later, nurses and doctors came rushing into the triage room.  i was still hooked up to the fetal monitor.  they told me that B’s heart rate was continuously dropping and to roll over on my side because they were going to break my water.  i wouldn’t be leaving the hospital until i had this baby. this was around 2:00pm.

i was in fact in such shock because even though i knew i would be having a baby within the next 4-5 weeks… i didn’t think i would be having a baby that very weekend.  i had a birthday party planned for N in two days.  my sister in law was supposed to be the one giving birth on sunday.  being the virgo that i am- i had of course already packed my hospital bag, which was waiting by the door at home along with my neatly typed up birth plan (which LOL to that because the dr practically did laugh out loud when i presented it).

“you’re really calm.  why are you so calm?” asked the nurse (i actually totally adored this nurse because she was the most real with me through the experience).  i really had no answer.  when something shocking or bad happens to me, i just typically don’t panic and try to process and plan my next steps instead.  all i honestly remember at this point was A LOT of warm gushing water and saying hello to really big contractions immediately.

i was taken to a labor and delivery room and everything was cool as far as laboring went for the first 2 hours.  i was able to get up and move around which helped so much.  B was face up which meant incredibly intense back labor (and has anyone seen the size of that kid’s head… no joke, my friends).  and then they came and told me that B’s heart rate kept dropping and i needed to stay in bed and not move around so they could monitor her properly.  ugh.  pure and utter crap.  okay- not really, but it sucked for me as i could not get any relief at all by just staying in one position.

time continued to press on and i was progressing really well.  they say labor pain is incredibly bad and that you forget it as time passes.  honestly, i have experienced worse pain (like two dry sockets after having my wisdom teeth pulled… labor was much better than that for me).  however, it was not easy.  that sh** sucked and i was so thirsty.  i remember telling everyone in sight that all i wanted after this was a white powerade once this was done.  my body was craving sodium like crazy.  5cm, 6cm… did i want an epidural?  no.  more time passed.  N was tired and passed out.  again i was offered an epidural.  no…  finally at 7cm a nurse came in and said to me, “i know you don’t want an epidural and i know you want to do this naturally.  i’m really worried you might end up having a c-section and if you don’t get the epidural now, they will put you under completely to do the c-section.”  at first, i was taken aback and felt bullied by her statement.  but, then i looked at my situation.  decreased fetal heart rate.  prior placenta previa with the placenta still very close to the opening which could potentially complicate things.  i agreed to the epidural and found sweet, sweet relief.  for a few hours.  this was at 8:00pm.

i stopped progressing all through the night and was stuck at 7cm.  around midnight i realized that i was feeling every single contraction again.  not just a little bit, but just like normal contractions.  the anesthesiologist came in and added more medication.  great for another hour and then the contractions hit me again.

per the norm, my nurse came in to check vitals and they discovered i was running a fever.  hooray!  tylenol, cold cloths, anesthesiologist gave more meds to my epidural.  my fever was not messing around and i was burning the epidural meds off like they were nothing.  at one point the anesthesiologist said, “i think i’ve given you enough to put an elephant down.”  this is when angry pregnant lady emerged.  i was tired, hungry, thirsty (although they let me have ice chips for a bit), in pain and pissed off.

finally, they decided that since i was running said fever and not progressing, they would start me on a light dose of pitocin to help push me to 10cm.  not like i had much say in the matter.  pitocin makes labor so so SO much worse and at this point i had said screw it to the epidural since all it was doing was giving me 10 minutes of relief at a time and making me shake like crazy.

then, it was time to push.  this was at 11:50am.  the anesthesiologist asked if i wanted another hit of medication before i started pushing.  i (probably rudely) declined as it was much easier to have full control of my legs and all i really freaking wanted to do was push.  i pushed and pushed… and pushed.  B was still sunny side up.  B’s heart rate continued to drop with each contraction.  i was put on oxygen in between contractions which was far more annoying than it sounds.  they tried turning her and she would just flip right back around.  finally i had part of her head almost out (still sunny side up- that stubborn child…), but they told me she just wouldn’t slip under my pubic bone.  that was super cool.

the doctor told me maybe they could use forceps?  but, my fever was continuing to rise.  the doctor was pro-forceps.  three of the nurses came to me and highly recommended a c-section… they told me they didn’t believe the forceps would be right decision and we needed to decide right then because of all of the factors between myself and the baby.  i know a doctor knows more, but i trusted these nurses.  this was at 1:40pm.

so, off to the OR i was pushed.  i remember continuing to have contractions as they were getting the room ready and they kept telling me, “don’t push”… but hello- having to push during a contraction and resisting is nearly impossible without pain relief… so i continued to push as discreetly as i could.   i was incredibly worried about anesthesia since it wasn’t working before, but whatever they gave me when we got in there was some serious stuff because by the time i was all set up, i felt nothing.  at this point, N informed me that they were shoving B back up my vagina/birth canal (sorry for the visual), so she would be back up high enough to take out of my stomach.

the rest of it was a blur.  i didn’t feel tugging or pain.  i don’t even remember her crying because i was just so tired and doped up on the heavy pain meds.  once she was out i told N to go over and see her and bring me back photos while they weighed her and made sure she was healthy.  i remember crying and our admittedly cool anesthesiologist snapped photos for us (and he asked if i was crying from happiness or pain- which was kind of funny to me, considering the circumstances).

finally here!

Baby BAM, as she was so fondly referred to throughout my pregnancy, was born June 13, 2014 at 2:07pm.  5 lb 11 oz, 18.5 inches long… head in the 99th+ percentile (which is where it stayed until she was 18 months old, when it finally dropped to the 98th percentile).

holding daddy’s finger

in recovery, the nurses told me that i had contracted Chorioamnionitis during labor.  It’s an intra-amniotic infection which is what was causing my fever.  My placenta was not salvageable for encapsulation and was to be sent to the lab instead… and i would have to be on IV antibiotics for the next 3 days to fight the infection.  it was like the sad, sad cherry on top of the whole crazy experience.  i had to wait an hour while B was in the NICU for breathing issues (and then ongoing issues with jaundice through our stay).  and then she was brought to me.  it felt perfect and foreign at the same time to have her in my arms- finally, yet too soon.  i know mother’s who have given birth earlier and i am lucky she came out so perfect and with such mild issues from being born pre-term.  but, i would’ve given anything to let her grow those last few weeks in my stomach to develop more.  those are stories for another time though!

newborn photo

in the end, we left with a perfect baby who will now suddenly be 3 in the blink of an eye.

B and I- just a few weeks before she turns 3.

why i will never do a juice cleanse again.

i can’t even remember how i was inspired to do a juice cleanse.  i love food.  i love coffee.  i love donuts.

either way, the idea of getting rid of toxins in my body sounded delightful and intriguing so i thought, why not?  that’s me… all rainbows, sunshine and positivity.  i convinced my father in law and very sweet co-worker to join me on this endeavor.  in the end, it’s just one (very long) day!

i did both blog and vlog review for everyone’s enjoyment of my suffering.


Classic or Advanced Options (six 16.9 fl oz juices)

Price: $40 (additional 10% off coupon if you sign up for their online newsletter)

Juice 1: apple, parsley, kale, spinach, mint, lime, cucumber, celery.

i drank this juice while i was getting ready for work.  first sip- gross.  then it grew on me.  and then it was just so much liquid that it was tough to finish.  the taste reminded me of mixing roberto’s red salsa with cucumbers, lime, and salt.  great when it’s solid food… not great as a liquid diet!


Juice 2: filtered water, lemon, agave nectar, black pepper, turmeric. 

at this stage, i had my co-workers with me so i was a bit more encouraged.  i really wanted coffee, since i usually make a cup with a bowl of oatmeal or granola bar for breakfast.  but, i popped open juice #2 at 10am.  it tasted okay.  better than the first one for sure.  i was looking forward to my small salad for lunch which pushed me forward…


for “lunch”, i had a small lettuce of iceberg lettuce, avocado and red vinaigrette.  not satisfying at all, but it was something.  at this point, i was not “starving”, but i was hungry.  okay- mostly i was craving coffee.  i took a walk with my co-worker because i just felt so restless and almost anxious about the rest of the day.

Juice 3: apple, celery, beet, lemon, parsley, spinach, ginger.

this juice was different in my “advanced” series than the “classic” cleanse.  it was blood red.  i was almost afraid to bring it with me to my afternoon meeting for fear that it would spill and make a giant gory mess everywhere.  i took about 4 drinks exactly before i decided that i just could not stomach it.

Juice 4: filtered water, lemon, agave nectar, coconut charcoal.

my late afternoon juice was definitely the most palatable of the day because it was not heavy on the green veg.  since it was charcoal based, the drink was BLACK.  however, it tasted mostly of lemon.  i did great with it until a headache hit me full on.  i took an advil… then another advil.  i took a walk.  i could not focus and i felt extremely nauseous.  i still had a meeting to get through before end of day and by the time i left work and got home, i felt so sick.  the thought of another juice made me want to puke.

and so i did.

i got home and threw up.  my head hurt, my nausea was still awful. i felt exhausted.  i curled up on the couch until N and B got home and i had to put on my happy face and be mommy.  at this point, i ate a small snack of B’s organic popcorn.  i attempted to eat pasta, but my stomach was just not having it.

Juice 5 and 6: cucumber, green apple, spinach, kale, parsley, lemon, swiss chard, celery (5).  filtered water, almonds, dates, cinnamon, pure vanilla extract, nutmeg (6).

these juices did not happen.  nope.  my body was just not going to even consider it.

i was able to get through B’s dinner, bath, and bed time.  N takes our puppy, Eli, to the park each night and he returned with a milkshake (helps counteract the acids) to settle my stomach.  i definitely got sick over it all not because i was hungry… but because of the high acidic levels and sheer quantity of liquid i was consuming.  i also was not peeing enough to cycle the juices out of my body.

overall, based on my experience, i would never do another juice cleanse.  in asking both of my co-workers who went through the experience with me, my first co-worker had a positive experience.  nothing life changing, but he was able to get through without any side effects.  co-worker number 2 suffered the same symptoms as i did throughout the day, and she stopped half way through juice 5.  many people are curious about if a juice cleanse will give you the runs, but out of the three of us, nobody experienced this symptom.  i believe it’s common if your cleanse extends past one day.

would you ever consider doing a juice cleanse?  what’s the craziest diet/de-toxifying trend you’ve ever tried?

Photo Credit: Nekter Juice Bar, Pixaby.

satuday. friends, flowers, and cousins.

if someone had tried to explain what a mom tribe is to me before i had B, i would have no idea what they were talking about.  (in fact, i would probably think they were crazy).

luckily, at 9 weeks pregnant with B, i fell into the best mama group around.  we bonded through pregnancy, birth, infancy and now toddler-hood.

i am not exaggerating when i say that i could not have survived this thing called motherhood without them.  

i’ve had the opportunity to meet so many of them in person over the last 2.5 years.  today, we were able to have brunch with J and C… which i have so been looking forward to all week long!  they just make my heart so happy!

once we said goodbye, we went on the hunt for the perfect new tomato plant for B.  seriously.  a hunt.

B had a great time pulling around (and being pull around IN) the little red wagon.

three garden shops later, we did in fact find the almost perfect tomato plant.  it’s still a little early to find good ones, so maybe we will add another one to the collection later in the season.

saturday concluded with dinner at our favorite hole in the wall italian restaurant.  and then B and her cousin playing at their grandpa’s.

weekends= my fave.

send sleepy dust our way in hopes that B doesn’t wake up with nightmare’s again.  this mama needs some sleep tonight!


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